


how to fight a war

by crescentmoonthemage



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015), Star Wars Episode VIII: The Last Jedi
Genre: Fluff, M/M, One Shot, Poe Dameron Needs A Hug, TLJ Spoilers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-21
Updated: 2017-12-21
Packaged: 2019-02-17 22:15:25
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,649
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13086486
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/crescentmoonthemage/pseuds/crescentmoonthemage
Summary: The logical part of Poe Dameron knew that he should be more worried about the future of the Resistance, the fact that his stupidity had single-handedly caused the deaths of his entire squadron, or the truth that the only people standing against the First Order were twenty rag-tag individuals crammed aboard a Corellian freighter he’d only heard stories of.Poe Dameron was not in a logical mood, so instead he was worried about Finn, or more specifically, the way he looked at Rose, the way he didn’t look at Poe.CONTAINS LAST JEDI SPOILERS





	how to fight a war

**Author's Note:**

> My first Stormpilot, but TLJ convinced me how much I loved them... hope you like it!!

The logical part of Poe Dameron knew that he should be more worried about the future of the Resistance, the fact that his stupidity had single-handedly caused the deaths of his entire squadron, or the truth that the only people standing against the First Order were twenty rag-tag individuals crammed aboard a Corellian freighter he’d only heard stories of.

Poe Dameron was not in a logical mood, so instead he was worried about Finn, or more specifically, the way he looked at Rose, the way he looked at Rey, the way he didn’t look at Poe.

His head ached with exhaustion, so he leaned against the transparisteel window and tried desperately not to watch Finn, or the concerned way he fiddled with the blanket covering the sleeping Rose, tried desperately not to remember the way Finn’s voice had sounded when he had dragged her in. “We need a medpack!” he had screamed, and his voice was hoarse.

_Would he sound like that if it had been me?_

Poe tried desperately not to think that, tried desperately, and failed.

           

            The ship was quieting down as they sped away from Crait, the exhausted inhabitants of the Falcon settling down for snatches of fitful rest, heads against walls or windows or one another. Finn, watching Rose, was the only one still standing. Eventually, he and Poe were the only ones still awake, Finn watching Rose and Poe watching Finn.

            Finally, Poe could take it no longer. He ambled over to Finn. “Hey, buddy,” he said. “You should get some rest.”

            Finn turned towards him as if surprised to find him there. “I’m not tired,” he said.

            Poe laughed a little, softly as so not to wake the others. “Bullshit you aren’t,” he said. “How long have you been on your feet?”

            Finn’s brows furrowed as he thought. “Couple of cycles, probably. I don’t even remember. I haven’t slept since Rose and I escaped from Snoke’s ship.” He glanced back at Rose still unconscious. “I hope she’ll be alright.”

            _I thought the same for you,_ Poe thought. _I was you, waiting over a bed and an uncertain future, for weeks._ He almost said it, but didn’t. _Blast, I_ _’m tired._

            Finn gave him a smile. “How long have you been up, Poe?” he asked.

            “Longer than you, buddy, but I’m still kicking.”

            Finn put a hand on Poe’s shoulder. “Get some sleep, man. You look more tired than I am.”

            “Not until you do.”

            Finn glanced at Rose again, and Poe’s heart wrenched just a little bit in his chest. “I need to watch over her, in case she wakes. In case she needs anything.” _I watched over you,_ he thinks.

            “Huh?” Finn asks. “Did you say something?”

            Poe’s heart drops, just a little. “Did I say that out loud?”

            Finn laughs. “You said something, at least. What did you say?”

            Poe smiles, if only to calm his raging emotions. “It was nothing important. Just—get some sleep, Finn.”

            Finn smiles. “Yes, Captain!”

 

            Poe backs away, and he can’t take it anymore, it’s just so similar. He thinks of Finn, remembers him in the Resistance medbay, never knowing if he was going to wake up. All the moments as Finn and Rose rushed to Canto Bight, the endless hours of waiting. _Come back soon, Finn,_ he says, and only at the last second remembers to add _and Rose._ The moment he had woken to see Holdo’s cruiser ripping Snoke’s Star Destroyer apart, how his heart had plummeted in his throat. _Finn_ _’s on that ship,_ he thinks, and as the Resistance cheers beside him his words bubble out in his throat. He’s helplessly watching at the moment the Lambda-class shuttle crashes through the door, holding a blaster in a last-ditch effort. When the hands are thrown up and he hears “Wait, don’t shoot! It’s us!” he almost chokes on his joy. He wants to sprint forward, to embrace Finn, to tell him, _buddy I thought you didn_ _’t make it,_ but instead settles for “Where’s my droid!”

            Then he sees Finn’s ski-speeder rushing towards the cannon even after the others have flown away, hears in Finn’s strained voice so much of himself, but knows that Leia can’t lose her commander. It takes every ounce of strength he has to turn around, ripping the earpiece out of his ear so he won’t hear Finn’s anguished screams as he’s blown apart. When he reaches the front lines and leaps into the trench, his hand goes to the chain at his throat, the well-worn ring. _The right person,_ his mother had told him. The right person was doing something terribly heroic and speeding towards a certain death. Poe tamps his tears down, chokes them down in his throat, and does his duty.

            Then, Finn comes back for the second time. Poe hears his anguish before he sees it. “We need a medpack!” he’s screaming, and instead of moving the only thing Poe can wonder is _if that had been me, would you have done the same?_

They barely speak again, caught up in the tide of battle and running away and _holy hell, is that Luke Skywalker?_ and _hello, Rey, I_ _’m Poe,_ and suddenly they’re on the Millennium Falcon, a ship Poe’s only ever dreamed of flying, and they’re speeding off towards an uncertain future, and Finn’s doing nothing but staring at Rose and Poe’s doing nothing but staring at Finn, and _kriff,_ he’s so tired.

 

Poe finds a blanket in the spare supplies and wanders off down the halls, past sleeping Resistance fighters, towards what he thinks leads to the gunning position. Eventually, the halls of the small ship grow quieter and he finds what he searches for, climbing down the ladder and wedging himself between the gunning seat and the transparisteel viewpoint until his nose is nearly touching space and he looks out into the vast infinity whizzing by at lightspeed and finally then, only then, does he allow himself to breathe out, a single ragged sigh containing hopes and dreams and exhaustion. He doesn’t realize he’s crying until he is, breath hitching and shoulders shaking, silent tears slipping down his cheeks. What is he crying about? He no longer knows.

Finally, he draws the ragged blanket around his shoulders and falls into a deep sleep.

 

            Many hours later, he shakes the weariness from his bones, stretches, and climbs the ladder back into the main hall of the Falcon. There’s slightly more activity than before as many of the remaining Resistance fighters mill about, trying to look busy. General Leia is in the cockpit speaking with Rey and… _was that a Wookie?_ Poe blinks, once, but before he can ponder further Finn rushes up to him. “Poe,” he breathes out, and the way he says it sets Poe’s heart to aching.

            He forces himself to stay calm. “Hey, Finn, buddy. What’s up?”

            “I was looking for you,” Finn replies, and again there is that ache in his chest. “Rose doesn’t look any better, but General Leia says we’re approaching Yavin 4, one of the ancient Rebellion hideouts, and that perhaps we can find her better medical care there.”

            “You must truly care about her,” Poe says, trying to force the bite from his words.

            “She kissed me,” says Finn, quietly. “It was my first kiss.”

            Now Poe’s chest is burning, _jealousy,_ it tells him. He swallows, hastily. “Did you like it?”

            Finn shrugs. “It didn’t feel like anything. Is that what kisses are supposed to feel like?” He looks so honest, so lost, and it sets Poe to aching all over again.

_Stop,_ he tells himself. _He is a friend._ “No,” he says, truthfully. “Kisses are supposed to melt, to burn, to tear at your heart and put it back together.”

            Finn looks contemplative, but says nothing, so Poe continues. “Do you want to kiss her again?”

           

            Just then, the Falcon drops out of lightspeed, sending a jolt through the ship that nearly bowls the two of them over, so Finn never gets the chance to answer.

 

           

            Yavin 4 is a small green planetoid, covered in decrepit Rebellion buildings. They’re old and covered in moss, but still standing, so General Leia counts it as a win. They land the Falcon inside one of the hangers, and Poe’s heart twinges with relief when he sees X-Wings inside. He runs his hand over the cool metal of the nearest one. It’s an older model, covered in dust, but still serviceable. He’s never seen something so beautiful in his life.

            Leia tells them that they are to set up base in Yavin 4, hide, and keep a low profile. There are ample supplies there, and relative anonymity, and so they will remain there until Leia can contact any support that may be left. If no one comes, then she will send the more capable ones to other worlds to garner other support. There is to be no flying, no going off-world.

            Essentially, they are sitting ducks.

 

            Leia’s reinstated him as commander, so he gets his choice of quarters (not as if there was much competition). He chooses a suite with a view of the landing pad, away from all the other officers. BB-8 rolls away to find the other droids, and for once, Poe is left blessedly alone. He unpacks his small bag, hanging the little clothing he has in the closet, and sits on the bed, simply breathing. After the chaos of the last few days, it is a relief.

            He fingers the chain under his shirt, the ring on the end of it. _The right partner,_ his mother had said. He thinks of Finn and Rose. _She_ _’ll be better for him than me._

            It is not his job, he realizes, to be happy. It is his job to make sure the ones he loves survive long enough to be happy. It is a sad existence, surely, but there are worse.

            There are no tasks for the rest of the day (and even if there were, he would not be privy to command decisions). So, he sleeps, and he does not dream.

            When he awakes, it is afternoon again. He rolls over blearily to see Finn sitting in a chair beside him. His dark eyes are fixed on Poe, expression unreadable for a bare instant. The spell is broken when Finn notices him watching and leaps from his seat. “I’m sorry,” he stammers. “I was just,” he trails off, but continues. “You were out for almost 36 hours. I wanted to make sure you were alright.”

            Poe’s heart hammers in his chest. Perhaps it’s the fact that he’s not fully awake, or perhaps he’s adopting a bit more of a _fuck it_ mentality. Either way, he opens his mouth like the kriffing idiot he is, and says “I watched you too. While you were recovering.”

            Finn’s eyes are unreadable, but Poe thinks he detects a hint of softness there. “How long?” he asks.

            Poe sighs. “Days,” he says. “Any time I wasn’t flying, that’s where I was.” He laughs. “I took my meals in there sometimes, I slept in there sometimes.” He pauses for an instant. “I couldn’t bear the thought of losing you, but the thought of losing you when I wasn’t there to see would be even worse. For me to walk in to an empty bed, to Leia saying _I_ _’m sorry,_ no. If you died, I wanted to be there.”

            Finn is quiet, so Poe blazes on. “How’s Rose?”

            Finn shrugs. He looks unsure of himself. “I don’t know. I haven’t seen her since she got taken to medbay.”

            “Why not?”

            Finn shrugs again. He’s been doing a lot of that lately, it seems. “She’s in capable hands. I don’t need to worry.”

            “Don’t you care about her?” Poe asks, sitting up. The covers pool around his waist.

            “Do you want me to? Would that make you happy? Should I care about her?” He doesn’t sound angry, simply curious.

            Poe cocks his head. “I want you to be happy, Finn,” he says, honestly. _I want you to be happy with me, Finn_. He chokes down those words. _I want you._ He leaves those unsaid as well. “I guess I just wonder why you’re here with me instead of with her.”

            Finn looks at his feet, then back up to Poe. “Do you remember what you said about kissing? The way that it should burn?”

            Poe nods, swinging his feet to the side and climbing out of the bed. He’s slightly taller than Finn. He resists the urge to look at Finn’s mouth.

            Finn swallows. “I can’t give Rose what she wants.”

            They’re treading on thin ice, Poe can tell. One misstep could send them spiraling into dark water, drowning.

            But then again, Poe’s been drowning for months, ever since _I need a pilot,_ ever since _that_ _’s the only name they ever gave me,_ ever since Finn, Finn, Finn. He acts on impulse, as he always does, a keening noise of “come here, Finn,” bubbling from his throat and then he’s lunging forward and taking Finn’s jacket in his hands and their mouths are meeting. Burning, burning, burning, _yes, Finn_ , he thinks, _this is how kisses are supposed to feel_.

            But then he remembers, and reason returns to him. In that instant he thinks, _oh, fuck,_ and breaks away, carefully dropping the lapels of Finn’s jacket, the one that used to be his. They look at each other for a too-long instant. Finn says nothing, which scares him, simply blinking. Poe busies himself, pulling on boots and a jacket. “I’m gonna… uh… do some stuff. Catch you later, I hope.” He offers a smile, which Finn does not return, and so he flees from the room.

 

            There’s nothing for him to do. Leia offers him a kind smile and says, _relax, for once, Poe,_ but he can’t. He’s ruined everything. He finds himself back in the hanger and busies himself fixing the ancient X-Wings. There’s bolts that need to be tightened and engines that need to be tested. Somewhere, hours later, he hears banging and he looks up. Rose is standing before him. He offers her his best grin. “You look better,” he says.

She nods. “All mended, if a bit weak. Have you seen Finn? I needed to talk to him.”

Poe shakes his head dumbly and finds that words won’t come. “Good luck,” he hears himself say, in a wooden voice, and continues work on the X-Wings.

 

 

Finally, late that night, as he readies himself for bed once more, there is a small knock on his door. “Come in,” he says, and it opens to reveal Finn.

Finn takes a step in and shuts the door behind him. He glances at Poe. “Did Rose find you?” Poe asks, for lack of other words.

“She did,” Finn says. A moment later. “She told me she loved me.”

Poe leaves his question unspoken. He wants to do nothing more than kiss Finn again, but he feels as if he’s already asked the question. He could not also give the answer.

Finn sits on the bed beside Poe. “I told her I was sorry,” he says, slowly.

“You do not love her?” asks Poe, not daring to hope.

Finn shakes his head.

 

They sit in awkward silence for a moment more, Poe’s words on the tip of his tongue. Finally, Finn turns toward him, a tiny smile on his lips. “I’ve heard kissing is supposed to be rather nice.”

Poe raises an eyebrow. “You should find out for yourself as soon as possible,” he says, not daring to grin.

Finn stumbles upon his words. “May I, can I, should I,”

Then Poe draws him forward and their lips are meeting and everything feels like fire, and maybe it’s his job to be happy after all.

Wrapped inside the kiss, Poe grins.

 

 

 

 

 

 

           

 

           

           

 

 

 

 

 

           

           

           

 

           


End file.
